"he's like oscar the grouch!" "what'd you say about my crouch?"

Guest Blogger Sophie:

there's old english, there's broken english, and then there's juan's english. juan has the most ridiculous english i have ever heard, and i used to work with east oakland children that grew up out of the dirt and went to school. if someone is in a quince, some real gorgeous piece, with beautiful highlights and lip liner, he says "ohhhhh, her, she came out in that quince", as in "she was in that quince". so i was talking about someone gay and i said "he came out" and juan corrected me saying that you're not supposed to say "came out" because i had corrected him on it so many times. in addition, once, my lady of leisure cousin noelle was telling everyone at a horrid table at ihop in the rotten city of san francisco, that she was an heiress. juan's response, "well, i'm an aquarius!". juan also likes to say deef after everything. i think it might be a derivative of "def" like definitely, but he just likes to say deef after everything. like touching moments in lifetime movies. once, we went to see the movie notorious and he was singing a biggie song like this "biggie biggie biggie can't you see, sometimes your words just hypnotize me, and i just love your precious ways..." and was completely serious!! you should all read the shit i correct in his essays. an example is attatched for your viewing pleasure or concern. wait, no there isn't because the shit won't work. but trust and believe, hillarity would have insued. he once called our black friend's tattoo the color "baby dark", whatever that means. there is ALSO a woman who walks up the hill i live on that looks and dresses and walks all ridiculous-like and i dubbed her "the magenta goddess". when he was trying to think of her name, he called her "the pomegranate goddess". i'll drink to that! noelle, make me a pomegranate goddess.